the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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