I'm lost and stupid without you.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
