he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
