i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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