You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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