Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
