I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
