I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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