I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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