non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
