Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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