i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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