im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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