dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
