I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My first STD was from a foam party
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
