matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
