True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My dick has a subreddit
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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