I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
