Are we in a gay sports bar?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
