It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
