normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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