Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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