i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
