I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
