What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
