We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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