I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
