is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Found the puke drawer
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
