btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
