Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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