guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize