I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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