Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
