I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
