I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
