I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
