I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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