the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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