Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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