i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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