When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
