Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
