think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
