I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
