I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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