My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
