Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
