I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Swine flu is the new snow day.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
