I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
