he puts the penis in happiness.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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