Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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