They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize