the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
two words: eviction party
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm too high and old for this...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
