He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
