I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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