wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
