Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize