So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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