either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
