Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
