the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
