dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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