Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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