i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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