I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
